Two Lives

Two parallel lives

Moving as one

infinity bound

Forever separate

Privy to different worlds

Life's irony

The two sides- poles apart

One barren

The other in disarray

The gap between the tracks

Maya

Maya is my name. Not the name I was born with. Just the name I’ve always been fascinated with, much before I knew what it meant.

Maya- one word that sums up my life- illusion. It’s a surreal feeling as I amble through my life, suspended in perpetual observation of my physical self, meandering through the mundane monotonies of that indefinable phenomenon called life.

I watch in wonder as I go through the motions, often asking myself why I don’t feel the agonies of love, the obsession of achievement and other such regular passions.

I love my children but that’s all it is. I don’t feel their pains or their joys as my own. Marital love is, well, I don’t know what that is. Parents and siblings- they’re just there. I do what needs to be done but I’d just as soon not have anything to do as well.

It’s not depressing, being in this floating space, which surprises me. Maybe I’m just wired to be weird.

I’m pretty sure I didn’t start out this way. I remember feeling intense , consuming hate and rage, inconsolable grief and ecstatic love but it’s so far behind in my past, I can’t even sense the shadows of those emotions. It’s like reminiscing about someone else’s life.

Excitement is out as well and there is no sense of something missing. I’m rather content not having anything to look forward to.

Barely any connections to other people but no sense of loneliness. And no need to be part of. Maybe the next life, I’d be a hermit.

The image that comes to mind is that of a leaf bobbing up and down a river as it follows its course, sometimes slow, sometimes rapid, sometimes battered, at others serene, just watching the banks pass as it remains in perpetual motion, a never ending journey.